Diary of naivety

Once in my old diary
I wrote about everything

How I went throughout my day
In a cloud of smoke that made everything seem so happy
It only covered up the fact that everything I wrote about was actually a lie

I never had that dear friend I wrote about continually
Or that friendship that I thought I had

In all actuality it was all non-existing

The hardest fact to accept was the friend I once thought I had was just using me

Using me for his own thirst of causing someone else mental anguish
I honestly thought that he was my best friend
The one I could tell everything to

The only thing now that that diary can do is rot in a garbage can
Disposed of; with all the sorrow that followed
But I still don't feel any better
I guess old wounds really never can be completely healed

friend or foe

A sad excuse for a friend
You say you like me a lot and think we should hang out
Well, the hell with that
since you don't even mean it.

I'll carry on in the same miserable way that I have before
before you came into my life and ripped if apart
before you tricked me and disgraced my feelings
before you showed me just how good of an actor you really are
or showed how naive I actually am

Thank you for killing me from within
And making me look like a fool in front of everyone, friend and enemy alike

For making me cry every night
and causing every step to be filled with pain

And thanks for turning my friends against me
(I really appreciate it)
even if they didn't know that it was me who actually wrote such nice stuff about you
Yeah, I know who wrote it
None other than my friend from last class

Do you just like using everyone around you
or is it just instinct to you?
Do you honestly think that causing others misery causes you so much pleasure?

You seemed so nice, the way you smiled at me everyday
And talked to me so willingly
You walked with me and laughed a lot
And said hello with a wave
Every time you saw me

But all you really wanted to do was to do harm me
in such an irreversible way that no one has before
To cause me enough contrition for ten people
and humiliation enough for dozens more

When all I wanted was to be friends
You just shoved me out the door